Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Same spot, different mindset

I found myself at the same spot once again.
The same spot that has left me feeling used and defeated.
But this time around was different.
This time I had this energy within me that embraced the embarrassment,
It embraced that moment.
Instead of filling my veins up with the ever so lethal sadness, the type of sadness that tears up a persons heart.
It filled my veins up with this strength.
No anger escaped me, I was completely okay.
Instead of feeling alone, I felt at peace.
It's then that I finally let the truth sink in....
And that is that I bring this upon myself, I allow myself to continue this loop.
This loop that I thought I finished a long time ago but I apparently didn't.
That moment, walking in the cold, in pure silence.
That moment my mind didn't play tricks, and it didn't rip me to shreds either.
It stayed calm and collected.
My body was calm and collected.
Despite it being cold, I felt warm.
My mind pointed out the fact that I am the problem, therefore I am the solution.
It pointed out that in order to live the life I've fantasizes about,
I must go and fucking get it.
It reminded me that I was my own worst enemy..
that I have the power within myself to break the cycle of this tireless burnt out routine.
That routine just doesn't fit me anymore